Halo: The Mayhem
by Amber Glow
Summary: When young Matt is suddenly transported into Halo, and stuck in the middle of the war against the covenant! How will Matt overcome the deadly aliens, insane bunnies and his slightly abnormal chief commander? Comedy of it's own agenda Please R&R!


** Halo : The Mayhem **

**Episode One: The Boy Who Lived **

Matt wanted to wake up, but he didn't feel like it. He knew that his mom would probably be screaming for him to wake up and do some phenomenally boring task, but he didn't care. Today was a very special day.

Today was the first day of summer.

Now normally today would be the day that you jumped into the swimming pool, ate ice cream and went rollerblading outside, but Matt had his own agenda. He had made his own incredibly ingenious checklist filled with the daily tasks that he would do daily in order to survive through the summer.

And the first thing was to sleep in as late as possible.

Someone opened his door. Matt rolled over and threw a pillow over his head.

Suddenly something ice cold and slimy splashed on him, covering his entire body from head to toe.

"HEY! Can't you see I'm getting some beauty sleep?" Matt groaned as he looked to find himself drenched from head to toe in ice water.

"It's almost noon. Get your lazy butt out of bed."

Sighing, Matt sat up and looked at his sister, Sarah, with a very serious face. "Now, young sister, you must understand that there are many strange things in life that are completely unexplainable. One of these unexplainable things is the fact that my body will by lying on top of this bed till the end of summer. I've already ordered my own portable TV to be placed at the foot of my bed, and I shall become the essence of a bed potato." Matt should have gotten some type of Nobel Prize for this outstanding speech of his. He had been preparing it sense...well…since the last day of summer last year.

Sarah put her hands on her hips. "Mom wants the dishes done, and then you're on backyard duty." She said, forming the exact image and tone of their mother. _Since when have all girls decided to make my life miserable? _Matt thought to himself.

Then, using his clever invention skills and strong arms, he fashioned himself so super boots. Then, using the super boots, he ran superbly down the stairs and down to the kitchen where he did a superb job cleaning up all the dishes. When that was done he then made a super jump and leaped high up in the air; he hit himself on the ceiling and broke through the kitchen backdoor, which led into the wildly super backyard.

"MATT! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" His mom called from the living room.

Matt cowered in fear. "Uhh…pay as in…"

"This window! Give me the money NOW!" Matt could of sworn he saw fire breath coming from the living room. He hastily made his escape with his super boots and went to do backyard duty.

Backyard Duty, as stated in Section 5 Line 8 Code 12, was a wild and mysterious job. Their backyard was not a backyard. There is nothing to hint that a backyard was ever placed here. Instead, a jungle cleverly disguised as a backyard was there. Vast jungle trees filled the area behind their house, and wild grass at least 10 feet high rose above Matt's head. But Matt did not fear this mighty jungle, for he had no fear. He took out a pair of 3-foot-long scissors and smiled. "Time for some lunch." He said with evil eyes and began cutting down the forest.

Suddenly he heard a growl. He jumped at least fifty feet into the air (he still had his super boots on, of course) and cried out in utter terror. Nearly wetting himself, he ran back through the jungle and ran straight into the wall of their house.

"What was _that_?" Matt asked the air strangely.

"It is your doom." Air replied.

"Oh, well in that case…" Matt stood up again and threw the scissors on the grown. He had seen enough horror movies to know that, when someone says that your doom is coming, you must go and explore and find out exactly why your doom is coming.

So he went back through the jungle using his super stealth skills to avoid the jaguars, monkeys and poisonous flies that stood in his way. Eventually, he found a small clearing in the jungle. In the center of this clearing was a well.

The well was an extremely high-tech well. It was made out of metal with a plastic cup as a bucket. He approached the well and looked down to find that the water was very deep. It was so far down that he had to drop a penny in just so he could find where the water was.

"MOM! Has dad been doing his strange experiments again?" Matt called out.

Mom answered back from the house. "Probably, why would you say that?"

"I found a well in the backyard." He replied.

"Oh, well does it have a bunch of money in it?" Mom asked hopefully.

"Uhh…no, I don't think so."

"Oh." Mom seemed deeply disappointed. "In that case you might as well go ahead and jump into the well, do us all a favor." She said.

"Okay, Mom." Matt said and assumed diving position. Taking a leap of faith, he jumped head first into the well.

Now this was where things went horribly wrong. If someone where to say something was wrong in a normal situation, one of two things could have happened: One, they hit their head on the wall of the well, drowned in the water and died or two, they die of starvation at the bottom of the well. Neither of these things happened to Matt, though, for this was not a normal situation. Most people would immediately recognize this as an abnormal situation because there was no bottom to the well.

Matt kept falling, never once hitting any water or rocks. He fell for what seemed like hours and hours.

"Dad has made a well that goes down to the center of the world!" Matt exclaimed as he fell, his voice echoing through the well tunnel. "Cool!" He yelled, waiting to see the fires and molten lava that was supposed to be at the center of the world.

Eventually he decided to start up a conversation with Air again. "Hey air, I'm cold." Matt said, which was kind of odd seeing as he was about to fall into molten lava.

"Sorry, I'm blowing in from the north today." Air replied.

"How about some fog or something? I'm bored. I want some special effects!" Matt whined.

Suddenly a huge patch of fog surrounding him. It was so thick that he had to take his extra pair of scissors and cut a hole through it to see. When he was finally able to see again, he gasped.

He was falling towards a bunch of grass! It was as if the well tunnel had opened up in the sky and he was falling back down to earth.

"Hey! I wanted to see the molten lava!" Matt yelled upwards towards the well tunnel. Now he was going to die the boring, old fashion way.

_Crash! _He landed on the dirt and grass. He hit his head on a rock and scraped his knee on the dirt, but after a moment of crying and sucking his thumb he managed to stand up again.

He looked around him, he was in some sort of strange plain. It certainly wasn't his jungle-disguised-as-a-backyard, that was for sure. Far in the distance he could see some mountains and a few yards away from him was a strange looking lake. There were also strange-looking plants surrounding him. All in all, the place was very strange.

Matt decided to concentrate a bit. He was not a good concentrating-person. Concentration was a painful and pointless process, but today he decided to put it to good use and come up with a theory for where he was.

"Okay, I have thought up two options." Matt said to the air. "Either aliens abducted me while I was falling into the well, or there is actually a hidden universe down near the earth's core!" He was very pleased with himself for figuring this out, and thought that the Nobel Prize Company should definitely be giving him a call by now.

He also tested out his third theory and pinched himself hard. He cried out in pain. "Okay, I'm not dreaming. That must mean…hey…that means that I survived that fall!" Matt exclaimed, jumping up and down in joy. He held his fist in the air. "I am the boy WHO LIVED! Everyone FEAR MY POWER! I can survive the mightiest fall, tackle the strongest well, and I am INVINCIBLE!"

"Okay! Put your hands in the air!" A voice on a speakerphone suddenly shouted out, interrupting his speech. Startled, Matt looked around him to find that, out of nowhere, dozens of people had appeared and dozens of guns were aimed at him. The people looked like soldiers because they had those fancy camouflage suits on and hard helmets, plus there was always the gun in their hands and the dozens of packages of ammo on their backs.

Matt was shaking in his sneakers. "Don't shoot! You're not aloud to gun down innocent civilians!" He shouted, his voice quavering.

"Lowers your weapons, guys, it's just a little kid." One of the soldiers said, walking out from the crowd and approaching him. He did not have his helmet on and Matt saw a few medals on his chest. The man had black hair and very serious eyes that freaked Matt out, not that he wasn't already freaked out enough. Suddenly Matt realized just what the solider had said.

"I'm not a little kid! I'm sixteen years old!" Matt yelled in defense.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" The solider barked at him.

Matt concentrated again. He spent a couple of days down in the dirt, thinking of the appropriate answer. Finally he woke up the solider and said, "My name is Matt. I have no idea what I am doing here." He answered.

"What do you mean, you have no idea! Do you any idea where you are?" The solider barked again.

Matt shook his head.

"Well congratulations then, you're on Halo." The solider said.

Matt gasped. "I'm in Heaven! Well…this wasn't exactly what I had expected…" Matt looked down at the ground, disappointed that he was not the boy who lived after all.

"No, not Heaven, _Halo._" The solider corrected.

"Ah, that's better then. What's Halo?"

"The battleground for an intergalactic war between the covenant and the rest of humanity." The solider replied.

Matt frowned, that was definitely not the answer he was expecting. "A war, huh? Well, just so you know, I definitely do not want to get involved in any _war_. Do you have any idea how much exercise it takes to be in a war? So, is there anyway you can get me home?" He asked the solider.

The solider laughed. "Boy, none of us are going home for a long, long time. I'm going to assume you've had some sort of memory loss. In that case, you are the perfect recruit to become a solider in our battle against the covenant. My name's Joe, by the way, and I'll be your new Captain."

"No! I'm not going to be in any war! I have to master the art of becoming a bed potato!" Matt whined.

"Take him up to the ship." Joe ordered one of the soldiers.

"The…the ship? Like…like a space ship? Why would we be going there?" Matt asked, though he was afraid of the answer.

"Oh, we have to wake up the Chief. He can be a bit lazy too, he's been sleeping for months now." A solider answered him and they went up into the space 


End file.
